Life

February 17 2023

Learnt Behaviour

Tania Carr Life

I learnt to do things I had to do, even though I didn’t want to.

I learnt to ‘people please’ even though I was disrespecting myself.

I learnt to be brave, even when I was feeling scared.

I learnt be strong, even when I was feeling weak.

I learnt to smile, even when I was feeling sad.

I learnt to be calm, even in an environment that was unstable.

I learnt to turn a blind eye, even though I could see, hear and feel exactly what was going on.

I learnt to put walls up for protection, even though I wanted to let someone in.

I learnt to handle it, even though it hurt like hell.

I learnt to be quiet, even when I wanted to scream.

I learnt to be who they wanted me to be, even though it went against who I actually was.

I learnt how to fight, even though I wanted to love.

I learnt to lie, even when I wanted to tell the truth.

I learnt to be the protecter, even when I so badly wanted to be protected.

I learnt to say sorry, even though it wasn’t my fault.

I learnt to hide, even though I wanted to be seen.

I learnt to shrink, even though I was ready and willing to blossom.

I learnt to grow up, even though I was still a kid.

I learnt to keep my mouth shut, even though I had so much to say.

I learnt to stay, even though I wanted to run.

I learnt to live, even though I wanted to die.

We are the product of our upbringing, our environment, those we surround ourselves with. The beliefs we form, the values we hold, are all formed in our younger years. Whether they be right, or wrong – that is in the eye of the beholder.

We unfortunately or fortunately create a sense of who we are and what we deserve during this crucial time of our lives.

We are not our past, we can change the narrative if we want to, we can challenge and rebuild our belief system if we want to. We can choose who we are and what we stand for if we want to.

For me, I chose to share light even when I was surrounded by darkness, and now that light burns bright asf!

Who are you without them?

Who are they without you?

Who do you want to be?

The answer is in your hands.

T x

#realtalknz

February 16 2023

This Too Shall Pass

Tania Carr Life

The wind, rain the floods and the force of Mother Nature, this too shall pass.

The hurt, pain, loss and suffering, this too shall pass.

The stress, anxiety and the feeling of helplessness, this too shall pass.

The anger and pent up frustration, this too shall pass.

The “why me?” or the “why us?” or the “why them?”, this too shall pass.

The guilt, the shame, the questions left unanswered, this too shall pass.

The longing and the yearning for something that once was, this too shall pass.

The broken sleep and the sleepless nights, this too shall pass.

The darkness, when it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, this too shall pass.

The feeling like you’ve done all that you can do and you want it all to end , this too shall pass.

We are living in challenging and uncertain times, take a deep breath, embrace the moment and remember, this too shall pass.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

Sending love and light to all those that need it right now ❤️

T x

#realtalknz

February 6 2023

At Arms Length

Tania Carr Life

I hear you, but I will keep you at arm’s length, in fear of your actions not meeting your words.

I hang with you, but I will keep you at arm’s length, in fear of you only being here for a reason.

I help you, but I will keep you at arm’s length, in fear of you taking me and all that I am for granted.

I support you, but I will keep you at arm’s length, in fear of you not being there for me in my time of need.

I want to love you, but I will keep you at arm’s length, in fear of you breaking my heart.

I want to be with you, but I will keep you at arm’s length, in fear of you eventually abandoning me.

I have learnt over the MANY years I have lived, to love myself and all that I am, because there is no fear with me vs me.

I can control the words that I speak, the thoughts that I have and the actions that I take. I find comfort in myself and I love being in my own presence.

My peeps are peeps, and with them I know, I don’t have to keep them at arm’s length, because we’ve got each other, all day. Ten toes down, never fold.

I want to bring you in, so close, show me it’s safe enough to let down my guard with you.

T x

February 6 2023

Essence

Tania Carr Life

I’m a true believer that those who have the ability to hold space, to make an impact, to make change, ultimately have a responsibility to do so. I absolutely knew this was my calling, this is my passion, this is my purpose in life.

People that have the ability to inspire and heal are mostly people that have stared into the face of pain and suffering, and we find ourselves staring right back. We’ve been there, we know.

We are a product of all of the adversity we face, and often we create or recreate ourselves through all that adversity and in the process we inspire others to do the same.

I have learnt that healers don’t necessarily have to heal anyone, but as we go through the healing journey ourselves, in turn we empower others to do the same.

The Real Talk kaupapa is the essence of empowerment – of self and of others. Full of the most incredible selfless kaikōrero who lead and inspire as they share their stories.

I have never felt so aligned in my life. Everything that I have been through, everything I have worked so hard for, has all seamlessly come together, and not just for me.

Real Talk has a beautiful way of connecting souls, and anyone that joins the Real Talk whānau or attends our events will tell you about the mauri you feel, the wairua you feel, and the awesome things that unfold from being part of this journey.

T x

January 25 2023

Wanting For Nothing

Tania Carr Business, Life

Imagine having all the money you could ever need, to buy anything you ever wanted and wanting for nothing.

Imagine having the flashest house and cars with all the modern gadgets and wanting for nothing.

Imagine having the bestest friends who fill your cup and wanting for nothing.

Imagine having the ability to help people change their lives, so they can be the best versions of themselves, and wanting for nothing.

Imagine having the freedom to explore, travel, create magical memories, do the things that make you happy, and wanting for nothing.

Imagine having ALL these THINGS and feeling like you’re wanting for nothing.

See, I’ve been in this position, and have had all the things, but was still unhappy, because I never had love. I was wanting for something. It was love.

For sure, I am able to love myself, and I do, and I’m grateful for that. But when you yearn for love, attention and affection from someone, this yearning will constantly remind you that you’re not living the life you dream of and most importantly DESERVE.

Sometimes having all the THINGS can help you Band-Aid and hide the feelings you have deep inside, because you should be grateful for what you have.

WRONG. MONEY CAN’T BUY YOU LOVE.

What is life if there is no love?

Depression, anxiety, sadness, emptiness, a feeling of being incomplete. This is not the life I choose to live.

Love is the answer, love is what I give, and love is what I will receive, love is what we ALL DESERVE!

Then, I will want for nothing ❤️

T x

January 17 2023

The Meaning of Life

Tania Carr Life

What is the meaning of life?

Sometimes it feels like we spend our entire lives searching for the answer to this.

At one stage I thought it was about creating financial freedom, and the only way I knew how to do that was to work my ass off to get that money.

That definitely ended up eventually working positively for me as I was able to generate wealth and set myself up comfortably, which I’m reaping the benefits of now.

However, the negative effects aren’t often seen at the time as you’re so busy focused on the goal, chasing the dream.

For me, the negative impacts that eventuated from chasing the financial dream make me so sad now as I reflect. Some of the things I feel guilt for…

Not being there enough for my daughter
Missing out on whānau gatherings and experiences
Not being present because I was so stressed always thinking about work
Being so f’n tired all the time from working so much

I missed out on creating beautiful memories and spending quality time with the ones I loved.

Money can’t buy you that.

My life is truly different now. I have experienced a beautiful journey of healing and personal growth and it has helped me open my eyes to what truly is important to me.

It comes down to the way I want to live, the way I want to feel, the way I want others to feel in my presence…

Love, love and more love – saying it, showing it, receiving it and embracing it
A sense of belonging, I want to belong, I want others to feel like they belong
Guiding my tamariki to being kind and decent humans
Gratitude for all that I have and for all those who are present in my life
To live authentically as me, appreciating that I am one of a kind
To be kind to others and do the right thing

Happiness is the meaning of life for me, I will never underestimate the power of…

The hugs given with meaning
The I love you’s said from the soul
Time that people choose to spend with me (*without an ulterior motive)
Genuine smiles on people’s faces
Feeling the sun on my face
Watching and appreciating sunsets
Listening to the song of the Tūī birds
The sound of laughter
Freedom to choose, to explore, to be free

What is the meaning of life for you?

#realtalknz

January 10 2023

Don’t Take Me For Granted

Tania Carr Life

Everything I have I will happily share,

I will give you my all.

Don’t take me for granted.

I am positive, fun and happy,

I am kind, caring and genuinely want to know all about you.

Don’t take me for granted.

I crave connection.

I will share my connections with you too, because that’s how I roll.

Don’t take me for granted.

I am passionate about people.

I thrive on making people feel good, the world needs more of this.

Don’t take me for granted.

Manaakitanga, kaitiakitanga, whakawhanaungatanga, all extremely high on my list of values, my driving inner force.

I aim to create a strong sense of belonging.

Don’t take me for granted.

I am tough but I am also weak, and I hide a lot.

I am sensitive and have a habit over analysing your words and actions.

Often reading into things and creating my own stories in my head when I look for and identity patterns.

Don’t take me for granted.

I am only human,

I have feelings too.

Please don’t take me for granted,

I will eventually retreat.

T x

January 10 2023

Boundaries

Tania Carr Business, Life

For me, the idea of setting and maintaining boundaries is about not putting up with shit from anyone – including myself.

People are not mind readers, you can go on for years hoping and praying that things will change, but if you’re not communicating what you want, it’s a recipe for failure, always. (Trust me, I know)

Think about boundaries as like a fence around your whare, you get to invite who you want into your whare, and others need permission to enter. It’s like drawing a line in the sand and saying “this far and no further”.

If you don’t set boundaries, you end up doing a lot of things you don’t want to do and certain people can end up draining your time and energy, until you have nothing left to give. Setting boundaries honours our wants and needs so that we feel respected and safe.

Some examples of boundaries:

❌Not being spoken to in a particular way

❌Not accepting abuse of ANY FORM

❌Not doing things you don’t want to do

❌Not being taken advantage of

❌Not being taken for granted

❌Not taking responsibility for other people’s actions

❌Not enabling certain behaviour or actions

❌Not feeling like you have to “fix” them or look after them

Some tips for setting boundaries:

✅YOU HAVE A CHOICE – about what you will and won’t accept from others, and of course from yourself. What will you choose?

✅BE CLEAR – on what you want/don’t want. Not everyone is comfortable with being as direct as I can be, but if you don’t say it, it won’t get done.

✅TAKE YOUR POWER BACK – it’s absolutely OK for you to say NO!

✅RESPECT other people’s boundaries, be mindful that we all have different wants and needs.

✅CALL THEM OUT – hit them up if they are repeatedly ignoring or disregarding your boundaries. You make the rules when it comes to you and yours.

✅HAVE CONSEQUENCES and be consistent, if you keep being flexible with your boundaries or don’t follow through with consequences, you won’t be taken seriously and you’re right back to square one.

✅LISTEN TO YOUR GUT – if they’re blatantly disrespecting you, or making you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, it’s time to take a good look at the relationship you have with them and feel free to gap it, block them, cut them off. This includes family! ✂️cuttie cut cut.

✅YOU CAN’T CONTROL their behaviour and how they react, but you sure can choose how you respond.

✅POSITIVE FEEDBACK – if they’re respecting the boundaries you’ve set, thank them, it’s actually that simple to help reinforce positive behaviours.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want your friends, whānau, or your mahi mates to respect your boundaries, make sure you’re doing the same for them.

#realtalknz

December 20 2022

The Power Of Silence

Tania Carr Life

Silence is an underestimated source of power. In silence, we can hear not only what is being said but also what is not being said.

There is BEAUTY IN SILENCE,

allowing yourself the space and the ability to gain clarity.

There is SADNESS IN SILENCE,

as you withdraw from the world, to find comfort in self.

There is CALMESS IN SILENCE,

allowing yourself the space to relax, to be still, to just chill.

There is SHAME IN SILENCE,

when you feel weak and don’t want to share with others, for fear of judgement.

There is CONNECTION IN SILENCE,

when you listen to understand, not listen to respond, sometimes the power lies in what you don’t say.

There is PAIN IN SILENCE,

as you hold back on the words you could share but don’t, the love that could be but isn’t.

There is TRUTH IN SILENCE,

as the truth often lies in what is not said.

There is DANGER IN SILENCE,

holding back on stuff we aren’t willing to reveal, opinions or agendas we don’t want to share.

There is HEALING IN SILENCE,

as I learn to understand you, I learn to understand myself.

There is DYSFUNCTION & MANIPULATION IN SILENCE,

you did me wrong so I’m gonna give you “the silent treatment” take that MF!

There is LEARNING IN SILENCE,

analysing how we can potentially deal with the situation better next time.

There is LETTING GO IN SILENCE,

as sometimes it’s not worth your time or energy, so just let that shit go.

There is DEATH IN SILENCE, because if we don’t speak, we don’t heal, and if we don’t heal, we don’t deal with life. This is a sad reality for so many!

There is GROWTH IN SILENCE,

as you are capable of redirecting your negative thoughts for a positive outcome next time…. there will be a next time.

There is POWER IN SILENCE,

you are strong asf, you are in charge of what you think, speak your mind. You deserve the world.

SILENCE CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIEND OR YOUR WORST ENEMY. Choose wisely.

T x

December 19 2022

I Wear My Heart On My Sleeve

Tania Carr Life

I will form my own opinions about you, regardless of what I have heard.

I know my people, I feel my people.

If I vibe with you, then we’re cool.

I am not afraid to tell it how it is.

I am not fake, I cannot fake it.

I’m not a “mean girl” I’m an honest girl.

You will always know where you stand with me.

All too often I see and I hear others “faking it”.

It always intrigues me when this happens?

Fear of the consequences, fear of losing something

or someone valuable to you?

Or just plain and simple saving face I guess?

Doesn’t sit well with me.

I am not my past and neither are you.

Can leopards really change their spots?

Only you know the answer to that one.

Your words and your actions speak volumes.

I see you, I hear you, even when you think I’m not

watching or listening.

You never have to walk on egg shells with me.

You never have to guess or wonder,

because with me, you will know.

Rightly or wrongly, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I’m cool with that.

Take me as I am… Or not. You get to choose.

And so do I.

T x

Life

LET'S CONNECT! tania@thecoachinghub.co.nz +64 210 695778

LET'S CONNECT! tania@thecoachinghub.co.nz
+64 210 695778